The Annual Migration is Over

(originally posted 1/20/2007)

Every year, the swallows return to Capistrano… and, when they finish their social event of the season, they again return to the environs of whence they came.

And so it is with the Xena fans.

Yes, this blog is about the recent Xena Convention in Burbank. There will be nothing really pithy about this blog, no revelations about the world politic, no indepth examinations of historical relevancy.  Just my post con report.

Now, for many Xenites (for those who don't know, Xenites is the proper term for Xena Fans, for reasons that have been lost to the ages), a post-con blog is a fan's perspective about the convention.  Usually reporting on what the actors and guests say, discussing new information or new interpretations about the series. Their perspective is of the person who has an affection for the show and wants to know the details. It's also the stories of meeting new friends and sharing in membership of the Xenite tribe.

My perspective, of course, is different.  Has to be because I'm one of the people on the stage.  I don't go to Xena conventions to hear the behind-the-scenes stories because I AM one of the behind-the-scene stories.  As I stated in a previous blog, I go because I've made many friends throughout the years at the convention and it's great that, once a year, they all show up to see me.  Oh, yeah… and the other people who made the show.  And, of course, knowing how I am, I tend to look at things in a more primal, social nature.  I tend to look back into our history when the first Geico Cavepersons crept out of their caves into the sunlight, searched the horizon and were pulled toward that large black monolith in the distance… and found Xena merchandising tables assembled around its base.

First off, there was a different atmosphere to this convention.  I'm not sure I can say why, but there was a different energy.  In a good sense.  Might have been the nip in the air.  I mean, heck, last year at this time, I was wearing a t-shirt.  This time, I couldn't bundle up enough.  But whatever it was… it made this yearly migration different. 

THE GATHERING OF THE TRIBES

The convention begins on a Friday at 11 a.m.  But before the doors open… the migration begins.  Last year, it was pretty much a free roaming affair as the weather was quite warm.  This year…. instead of herds of Xenites frolicking in the parking lot, playing tag with their chakrams, they were huddled together, shoulders hunched protectively over their Lucy photos and homemade Gabby-staffs, whispering to each other through chattering teeth and red cheeks.  They collected in small sub-tribes, probably to accent their combined body heat, the smaller ones in the center, as if instinctively seeking the protection of the older and wiser Xenites.   Now and then one would dart out of the mass, quickly greeting new arrivals, sometimes returning to their own sub-tribe, sometimes forming new ones.

And the smiles… all of them smiling.  Strange considering the environment, but the feeling was upbeat and happy.  Anticipatory of the hunt.  Yes, the hunt.  Try standing in the doorway to a Xena convention when the doors open, when access is gained to the various photos and items on display, the items soon to be autographed… try it… nothing stands between Xenites and the hunt.  Don't even think of getting in the way.

APPROACHING THE HERD

When I approached the herd on Friday, they waved and said hello.  A long time ago I had made myself welcome among them.  They no longer spooked or recoiled at my presence.  In many cases, I am so accepted by them that they welcome me as one of their own, an honor I don't take lightly. I have even fed with several.  Despite rumors to the contrary, they do not, in fact, use breast daggers as utensils.

Not that there isn't the occasional Xena Virgin (re: new fan or new to the conention) who doesn't notice me and react.  But before they can bolt or freeze, the older and wiser Xenites reassure them; I am no danger, I am just Steve.  Before the convention is over, I hope to become friends with them as well.

THE DOORS OPEN; IT BEGINS

The convention doors open and the sub-tribes break up to enter.  The Xena sub-tribe is an interesting group.  There are many of them and, once formed, the bonds seem unbreakable.  Except… where merchandising or auctions are concerned.  I've not actually seen any blood spilled, but familial bonds are disregarded when the last "Lucy and Renee" photo awaits the fittest. I've seen it.  It's not pretty.  But, even with that, animosities are soon forgotten and the proud owner of such treasure is eager to share with the others.  At a distance.

Now, for me, I am usually carrying my camera equipment and a few odds and ends when I first arrive.  My car is loaded with auction items and I have to transfer them into the green room in the back for autographs or storage.  At this moment, this first appearance, I fly as fast as I can.  I haven't seen many of the herdmembers in a year, so there are many opportunities to stop and talk.  But at this point, I can't afford to. I must move.  I put on my New York smile and fix my eyes on the end of the hallway, casually waving at the call of my name and promising to come back to chat. I do make best efforts to do that, but if I forget… well, I am usually forgiven by all except myself.

THE MOST SPECIAL OF TIMES

Once I am done, I move out into the hustle and bustle of the swarm. I have to admit, this is where I have the most fun.  Because this is when the HUGTIME begins!  Yes!  There is not a living creature on this planet that can give a HUG the way a Xenite can. I kid you not, it's unique among the species (of many unique qualities).  It isn't just a "How how are you?" hug.  It isn't the "Hollywood air-kiss, touch on the shoulder blade" hug.  And it certainly isn't the "I'm keeping my hips as far away as possible from you 'cause I ain't gay!" hug.  It is an all inclusive, enveloping, immersive, collection of your very soul and spirit in a grasp that you feel you'll never escape from and wouldn't want to anyway.  And there isn't just one; it's ALL of them!  To understand the significance of Xenite Hugtime, you should understand that I am NOT a huggy person.  Nope. Never have been. I'm a big believer of personal space.  I'll defend my little frontier as much as the White House defends stupid ideas.  But… it's different here.  I look forward to it.  And I'm never disappointed.

THE FESTIVITIES BEGIN

For those who have not been to a convention, the actual program consists of discussions, videos and, of course, the appearance of the celebrities.  This latter event creates the majority of the movement in the fields.  All Xenites keep to "convention time".  It's hard to explain this as it's not been fully researched, but it's an internal clock that keeps track of when their favorite celebrity will be on stage.  You can be in an intense discussion with a Xenite when it happens.  Their eyes glaze slightly as the internal alarm goes off.  They blink… then refocus on you long enough to say "excuse me" and, whoosh, they are gone!  ("whoosh" is an important thing to a Xenite… when you hear it, things happen).  For one Xenite to do that is amazing.  But when you notice that an entire hallway of Xenites has done it AT THE SAME TIME, it borders on the supernatural.

In the actual convention hall, there is a large stage on one side of the room.  This will be where the celebrity will appear, protected only by a raised stage and several suited security people (who, despite their appearances, give great hugs as well!).  There is a pause, then, if the celebrity is an actor, a video is often played with selected scenes of their performances.  Then, when that is done, a welcoming announcement is made and… it all breaks loose!  The celebrity walks onto the stage and the photo flashes light them up like a supernova!   It's blinding!  (It's a little known fact that, after two or three appearances, actors develop inner eyelids that pull across their eyes protectively like that of some alien lizard).  Applause soon follows and slowly dies down as people wait for the celebrity's first words.

Now, of course, this reaction varies from celebrity to celebrity.  When Lucy or Renee appears, it's as if Paris has been liberated.  When I appear, it's like someone opened a hamburger stand on a New Dehli street corner.  Somewhere in between is the norm.

During the actual appearance of the celebrity, there is a certain protocol that is followed, but very loosely.  The celebrity will be on stage and will give a little speech or talk catching everyone up on what's been going on in their life.  Then the celebrity will answer questions.  This is done by people raising their hands or coming up to the microphones located on either side of the stage.  A rare occurrence is when the celebrity will leave the stage to walk into the audience (my favorite form of address, to be honest).  

Over the years, I've heard many many questions.  So I've gotten used to the patterns and the kinds of questions.  Many of them are repetitive, but the celebrities don't mind.  They take the time to answer each one.  It is interesting to note which kinds of questions are most asked.  A lot of the questions have to do with the actor's interactions with other actors.  Or the actor's opinion of the character's relationships.  Sometimes personal questions are asked; sometimes the actor will answer, other times no.  Sometimes the questions are outrageous (I was once asked who was the most famous person I had ever slept with… my answer was "me").  But, usually, they are asked in a spirit of love and respect (not always… ).

At this point, in most Xenite blogs, there would be reporting on the individual actors and what they said.  As I mentioned, not with me.  I'm busy crawling on the ground like a spasming crab taking photos and, besides, I've heard most of the answers before.  So let's move along with our overview of the Xena Convention experience.

THE CABARET

This is an evening where selected actors do performances (Rob Trebor did a wonderful bit from his one man show "Brother Theodore") and sing (the audience loved Jay Laga'Aia songs and stories and Michael Hurst and Jennifer Ward-Lealand did some incredible selections from musical theatre).  It's more than just a show, however, as the performers are much more in tune and interactive with the Xenites.  This is one of the few times when, though I am taking photos, I find myself feeling much more like the audience.  I really enjoy good theatre.  But the evening isn't over.  We still have…

THE DESSERT PARTY

After the Cabaret, there is what is called a Dessert Party.  Now, I have to stipulate that this is an exclusive party.  Because of the costs involved, it is restricted to what is referred to as a "Gold Member" Xenite.  This should not be confused with the Silverback Mountain Gorillas of Rwanda.  The Gold Member Xenite has paid an additional fee to enjoy certain events over what the regular Xenite would pay.  This should also NOT be construed as a quality assessment of Gold over regular.

Now, at this Dessert Party, they serve… well, dessert.  It starts out as a rather benign affair, with people seated at their tables, awaiting the celebrities who will come to visit.  The celebrities are a bit hesistant, unsure of the close contact with the herd.  They are protected by security standing nearby in case they need to be extracted, but there is rarely a problem. 

But soon the restless inner child of the Gold Xenites begins to emerge.  They begin to shift from table to table, supposedly to appreciate the fancy centerpieces on the tables (of which there is a contest), but really to test out the limits of the sub-tribes, to make new friends, new associations… in other tribal collectives, this would also lead to mating and the continuance of the species.  However… well, you have to be there to understand why that's not quite the end result.  Although much initial pair bonding might be made at this point.

I watch this, of course, with amused detachment. I am above these behaviors and keep my distance as an objective observer. Okay, so I did stare at a few of the more intriguing of the Xenites on the dance floor… okay, so I was persuaded to get on the dance and "shake my groove thing" (I was assured this was an accepted ritual).  But, understand, I wasn't doing it for my enjoyment.  I was merely testing the limits of the tribal bonding to an outsider such as myself.  I have no explanation for doing the splits, however.

But, even such rituals must end.  It has been a long day.  Is it over?

You really don't understand the Xenite, do you?

THE BAR

So, let's get to the next interesting Xenite phenomena… It takes many forms but always involves alcohol…  Not in an abusive way, you understand, but, hey, we're here in a hotel… it has a bar… hmmmm…. Again, the Xenites form up in their sub-tribes around the room… the Merpups at this table… Online Talking Xenas at that table… Texas Xenites… can't miss them… they've taken OVER that table.  Rarely do you find any Xenite alone.  Just doesn't happen.  There is much celebration at this point.  The waitresses are a bit confused at what they are witnessing and the bartenders can't seem to make sense of the bonding… not quite what they are used to.  But everyone is in a good mood, even the few confused hotel guests who have no idea they have walked into a Xenite Migration.

I do not drink alcohol, so I actually am able to keep my wits about me.  And my camera.  And if any Xenite wants to buy back some of the photos taken at the bar that their sig-other might not appreciate, please contact me.

Despite the late hour, the revelry continues until the harried staff must announce last call.  Then, they announce it again.  Then again.  And again.  Hmmm…. It seems to them that being a Xenite involves a loss of hearing.  Eventually, the doors close and many of the Xenites head to their rooms.  Some stay in the lobby.  Me?  I chat a bit and head back to my household to download photos and get a bit of rest before venturing to the next assembly of Xenites.

THE BREAKFAST
 

The breakfast actually takes place on Sunday.  There are reasons why the Xenites who appear at this (The Gold Xenites again) have long drawn out faces and tend to confuse their scrambled eggs for pillows.  At this event, we, again, see several celebrities moving easily among the Xenites.  But any fear the celebrity might have at their close proximity is gone.  They realize that even if a particular Xenite were to spring, they can easily avoid them as the Xenites are now sloth with exhaustion.  During this breakfast, though, there is a charity auction for the James Ellis foundation.  Xenites give generously.  Which brings me to the next subject:

CHARITY AUCTIONS

I am lapsing into sincerity now when I say this: There are no more generous fans in the universe than Xena fans.  I am not kidding here.  You mention a worthy cause and Xenites will be there.  And not only to give money, but to volunteer time and organize others.  It is the most amazing and humbling thing I have seen.  I love the charity auctions.  It's watching people at their best.  And it's something I brag about to other people I work with in the industry.  I was just talking to John Allen Nelson, star of SHEENA and VANISHED, telling him about the convention.  He's always wanted to attend one but his timing hasn't worked out.  Anyway, I told him about some of the things that Xenites have bid for and the amount of money they have spent.  Most people would have thought it was crazy to spend that much money for props and autographed scripts.  But John, an exceptional generous man himself, caught it immediately; he recognized how special the Xenites are in this regard. He was amazed.  And so am I.  To everyone who has put a bid on a charity item, whether you won it or not, I want to thank you from the depths of my soul.  I mean it.

Which, of course, brings us  to Brittney's bra….

BRITTNEY'S BRA

Brittney Powell played Brunhilde in Xena.  This was after I had left the show, so I didn't know her.  She took the stage for the first time and completely wowed the audience.  She was fun, open, enticing, mischievous and seemed to be delighted that the Xenites enjoyed her.  Backstage, she asked me if she had done all right.  I told her that was the best first con appearance I had ever seen.  I hope she comes back because she established herself with the Xenite in that one appearance.  She went from "You had me with hello" to "Why can't I quit you?" in forty five minutes.

But the bra… Brittney is… well, as an ex-Playmate, you might expect her to have an attractive body.  She was wearing a low cut dress and, every now and then, a little lace peeked out at the crowd.  Somehow it became part of the discussion and, before you know it, Brittney was auctioning it off for her charity.  Okay… it's a nice bra… yes…. But is it worth $1100?

Perhaps not, but the charity certainly is.  I did, however, get a photo of the victor and her spoils.

The point is… CHARITY! 

Okay, the point is also the idea of removing Brittney's bra, but that's just topping.  So to speak.

Afterward, Brittney mentioned that she wanted to go visit the merchandising floor but wasn't sure about walking around without a bra. I said "I hope you realize I am straining every bone in my body to keep staring you in the eyes… this will NOT be a problem, believe me." (she did, in fact, go).

THE ROXY

Finally…. Lucy's appearance at the Roxy.  For those who missed it, it's impossible to explain.  For those who were there… what can possibly be said?

It occurred over two nights.  The Tribe of Xenites were formed into large transport vehicles and taken to the Roxy, where they were herded into this West Hollywood Rock Bar.  It was packed.  There was little pushing and shoving, though once inside, the Roxy had so many Xenites that once you had your spot, you couldn't move.  If your feet weren't on the ground, tough luck… your feet would not make contact with the earth until it was all over. If you exhaled, you just did without oxygen for a while. 

Did I mention packed?  I think everyone's cycles synchronized…

Of course, I detached myself, camera in hand, to watch the reactions.  Now, I have to say, I've seen Lucy sing before.  She has a great voice.  But I was there to take photos, not to enjoy myself.  Besides, I'm used to this.

Then, she hit the stage...

I'll state it plainly: She blew me away.  It has nothing to do with my association with Lucy, it has to do with her pure, raw energy and talent. 

I did end up taking over one thousand photos, but that was automatic.

Back to Xena 2007 main page