"THOSE WRITERS"

GABRIELLE

Even though we don't say it,

Everyone knows it's true.

This thing between us,

take a moment, let's review.

We spend our time together,

Never needed others.

Let's just say it,

Make it clear,

It's obvious that we're Lov - Lov - Friends!

XENA

Lov - Lov - friends?

GAB:

Lov - Lov - friends!

XENA

Strange, don't you think so?

We can't say what we feel.

It's like we almost can,

but then it isn't real.

It's not like we don't know it.

Or hide it from the others.

Why can't we say it?

Make it clear,

It's obvious that we're Lov - Lov - Friends!

GABRIELLE

Lov - lov - Friends?

XENA

Lov - Lov - Friends!

XENA/GABRIELLE

But why? Oh Why?

Why do we deny?

Give us a reason,

Or explain to us Why?

Why can't we say it, you and I?

A pause, they look to each other, then to the audience.

XENA/GABRIELLE (CONT'D)

It's those Writers!

It's those darn Writers!

Changing words all the time,

Can't they make up their minds?

Let us be who we really should be?

It's those Writers!

It's those darn Writers!

Rearranging our words,

And then nothing is heard,

Of how we love each otherrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr's jokes.

GABRIELLE

Aagh!!

XENA

I just don't understand it,

Or why it's the way it is.

You'd think they'd be more loose,

especially LIZ!

It's good enough for Buffy,

And more for Will and Grace

There's nothing to it,

If I want to say it,

I want to kiss your fay - fay - MACE!

GABRIELLE

Fay - Fay - Mace???

XENA:

Fay - Fay - Agh!

GABRIELLE

I'm thinking of rainbows

And speaking in black and white.

Walking a careful line

between the left and right.

Is it just the ratings,

Afraid that they just can't win?

Who could we scare?

To say we're a pair.

Or say the word Lesbee… Lesbeee… Lesbeee... Lesbee... Lez be friends!

XENA

Lez be friends?

GABRIELLE

Lez be friends!

XENA

Aggghhh!

XENA/GABRIELLE

It's those Writers!

It's those darn Writers!

Changing words all the time,

Can't they make up their minds?

Let us be who we really should be?

It's those Writers!

It's those darn Writers!

Rearranging our words,

And then nothing is heard,

Of how we love each otherrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr's jokes.

GABRIELLE

Agh!

XENA/GABRIELLE

But why? Oh Why?

Why do they deny?

Give us a reason,

Or explain to us why?

Why won't they make up their minds?

Why won't they make up their minds?

Why won't they? Why can't they?

Why can't we say - say - say -

(screaming)

AGGGHHHHH!!!!!

A beat, the music dies. Gab and Xena stare at each other.

XENA/GABRIELLE (CONT'D)

(harmonizing accapella))

But we can't say it.

They won't let us say it.

Those words we know the rest would love to hear!

It seems that subtext.

Is really maintext.

But they deny it...

XENA

(singing broadly)

And I just think that's queer!

THE END